Post by Dani on May 8, 2012 1:11:46 GMT -5
The following post takes place in January, 2012. The views expressed in it do not necessarily reflect the views of the person that wrote it.
It was supposed to be a good year.
Alexia was a senior in high school now, one grade away from eternal freedom and about nine months away from no longer being a kid.
All she had to do was get through this year and she would be home free. Things had started out really well. Her mother had gotten her a nice black ‘71 Chevy Nova for her birthday in October. Her mother had actually remembered that Alexia didn’t want a nice, shiny brand new car like her siblings. She remembered that Alexia preferred older classic cars, ones that told stories. Her brothers had even devoted an entire afternoon to helping her wash and polish it. They also accompanied her to the car shop to get the custom flames put on. It was nice to see her older brother Jack take a break from running around behind his plastic shallow bitch of a fiancée, her older brother Nick take a break from playing house with his girlfriend and her loud kids, and her younger brothers taking a break from just being….weird.
The preppy bitches were all pretty much gone from her life as well. Her older sister Kylie had skipped town. Kylie’s equally preppy and annoying best friend Bekah was living in a year-round dorm and spent most of her free time with her boyfriend, instead of worming her way into Alexia’s family. Alexia’s hyperactive godsister, Morgan, one of the most irritating creatures in the history of mankind, was living in the dorms as well. In fact, she made Alexia’s life even easier by moving into an apartment with her weird boyfriend, which meant that she wouldn’t staying overnight with Alexia and her family whenever she was on break from college. Alexia’s other dull and perfect older sister Brandie had also decided to stay in the dorms, freeing up even more space in the house. Alexia was only going to be stuck at home with her insane mother, her silent godsister Peyton, her brother Lucas who barely talked, her preppy and bubbly sister Sophie, her mostly invisible brother Cori, her Justin Bieber addicted sister Chynna, her wannabe pimp brother JJ, and her less annoying baby brother and sister, Sammy and Molly.
It sounded like a lot of people, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. She actually had breathing room for a change. Apart from hearing the screechy stupidity that was Justin Bieber’s music, it was pretty calm around her house.
Unfortunately, it was all too good to last. First, her slutty godsister Taylor decided to move out of the dorms and in with them in order to be closer to the guy that she was seeing. Of all the houses that Alexia’s mother could have picked to live in, she had made the mistake of picking the one next door to his family. Granted, it meant that Taylor was rarely home because she had to commute to school now, but her presence was still irritating.
Then her mother somehow convinced Kylie to come back home. She couldn’t just leave well enough alone. She couldn’t just leave Kylie crying her eyes out at their aunt and uncle’s place in Santa Fe. She just had to bring her back here so that she could cry her eyes out and disturb Alexia’s train of thought. Apparently four months was far too long for their mother to survive without her favorite child in her presence.
“In another liiiiiiiiiife, I would be your giiiiiiiirl…..”
Ugh, not again. Alexia wasn’t even inside the house and she could still hear Kylie’s dumbass music. “Has that bitch ever heard of headphones?” she mumbled to herself.
She stormed into the kitchen and slammed the patio door, nearly knocking the glass out of its pane. “Wow, what did the door ever do to you?” her mother asked with a laugh. She took a plate of food out of the microwave and put it on the kitchen island. “You smell like cigarettes,” she added.
“How perceptive of you,” Alexia said sarcastically as she sat down at the island. Of course she smelled like cigarettes. She had just come in from her morning cigarette break. Other than music and driving, cigarettes were the only thing that could calm her down and relax her. Unfortunately, her mother didn’t see it that way.
“What’s this?” she asked, pointing at the plate of food in an attempt to change the subject.
“It’s an omelet, silly,” her mother replied as she took a sip of orange juice. “I thought you loved omelets.”
“You hardly ever get omelets from Palmer’s. You always get waffles.” Despite being confused, she picked up her fork and took a few bites. Damn this is good…. “You want something, don’t you?” She racked her brain, trying to figure out what the motivation behind the tasty breakfast was. As soon as the omelet was half gone, a thought came to her. “I’m not staying here after high school.”
“It’s not about that, but since we’re already on the subject…..I do think that you should reconsider. Have you even looked into Riverside or the half dozen other colleges located in this state?” She went to a drawer, pulled out a stack of brochures, and placed them in front of Alexia.
Alexia groaned and immediately pushed them away. “I don’t want to get into this….not now, not ever.” She was leaving Riverside. Unlike her dim-witted sister, Alexia planned on making her departure permanent. She saw no point in staying in staying in a town with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. “I already told you that I’m going to the prom,” she said, electing to switch to yet another topic that was a source of debate between her and her mother.
“I know,” her mother replied, putting the brochures away. “And I’m happy that you decided to go. The prom is a very pivotal experience in the life of a teenager. Why when I was a teenager….”
Not wanting to hear yet another speech about the benefits of attending the prom, Alexia immediately held up a hand and shook her head. “Yeah, yeah, I’m going. Easiest hundred bucks that I’ll ever make.”
Due to her own past bad experiences, Alexia’s mother was determined to make sure that all of her children attended their school proms. It was so important to her that she even gave them a pity gift if they wound up having a terrible time. While she gave the underclassmen things like a gift card or a new outfit, the seniors got one hundred dollars. Despite these tempting incentives, Alexia’s siblings would often wind up having a good time and would forget all about the pity gifts. There were only a few rare occasions when they had a bad evening.
However, Alexia was different. She was three for three in the bad prom experience department and she was determined to make it four in a row. Her relationship with her ex-boyfriend had ended right before she attended her first high school prom and it had been downhill since then. The hundred dollars would definitely be hers.
As soon as Alexia finished her omelet, her mother took the plate away, rinsed it off and put it in the dishwasher. “Now hurry up and get changed. We’ll be late for church.”
Alexia’s eyebrows immediately arched up. “Come again?” she asked. Unlike some families, attending church was definitely not a part of the Howards’ Sunday morning routine. “I thought you said that this family doesn’t go to church unless somebody’s getting married or buried.”
Her mother nodded her head. “And you’re absolutely right. Somebody is getting married though, your brother.”
Alexia made an overly exaggerated gagging noise. “Ewwww, don’t remind me. I just ate.” The thought of her oldest brother’s upcoming nuptials was enough to cause her to lose not only her breakfast, but her lunch and dinner from the previous day. “What does that have to do with anything? He’s not getting bitch hitched until this summer.”
Choosing to ignore Alexia’s colorful insults, her mother sighed. “It takes a lot to put a wedding together. They don’t just throw themselves together overnight. There’s the flowers, the cake, the dresses, getting all of these people together…..it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do.”
As she listened to her mother’s warped reasoning, Alexia finally began to understand the excuse behind her sudden interest in church. “Let me guess, Jack needs a place to get bitch hitched to Malibu Barbie, so you have to make all nice with the minister so that he’ll bitch hitch them in his church, am I right?” At the glimpse of her mother nodding her head again, she groaned and continued. “Well, good luck with that. I’m sure there are tons of ministers who would love to join my brother and his plastic underage girlfriend in holy wedlock.”
Her mother shook her head and sighed. “I know it’s insane, but the least you can do is be supportive of your brother. If we don’t support them, then he and Miki will run off to elope and we’ll never see them again. Is that what you want?”
Alexia would have been perfectly content not seeing Miki again. Jack, on the other hand, was actually halfway decent most of the time. “You think he’s going to run away?” she asked. “Maybe we just all need to stay away from the Arthurs, since they seem to cause members of this family to run away.”
“Your sister didn’t run away. She just decided to take some time off before college to find herself, that’s all.”
That’s right, go make excuses for the bitch….. “Sure Mom, you let yourself believe that. The neighbors sure as hell didn’t,” Alexia said, making a face. “I still don’t know why the hell you bought her back here in the first place. Everything was fine without her.”
She couldn’t understand why her mother was looking at her so sadly. Alexia had been insulting Kylie for years. It was nothing new. “Because she’s my daughter and I missed her. She’s your sister. Didn’t you miss her?”
Oh lord, there she goes again with that sister thing….. “She’s my sister, but it’s not my fault that she is. You’re acting like I had a part in that decision.” Alexia hated that argument. She failed to see how being made from the same eggs, being fertilized by the same sperm, and coming out of the same vagina entitled her to be nice to another human being. Biology was such a bitch. “While she was gone, I was able to do whatever I wanted in this house. Now I can’t even eat, sleep, play music, think, or even take a piss without hearing my whiny ass sister mourning the loss of her fuck buddy! I swear that fucking bitch Katy Perry has a song for everything. I wouldn’t be surprised if her next album was called ‘My Fuck Buddy Don’t Love Me No More’.”
Her mother looked like she was about to pass out at what Alexia just said. After taking a few moments to collect herself, she replied calmly. “If anybody at the wedding asks you who Brody is, could you do me a huge favor and just tell them that he’s Jack’s best friend or Miki’s brother, instead of saying y-you know….what you just said.”
Oh how Alexia loved to rattle her mother’s nerves….. “Awwww, but saying ‘the guy who used to fuck my sister’ would really liven up the reception, don’t you think?” She nearly burst out laughing at the panicked look on her mother’s face. “Oh come on, have you seen those skirts that Kylie wears? Why else would he have wasted his time hanging around her?”
Before her mother had a chance to respond, the doorbell rang. “Could you get that, Alexia? I have to go finish getting ready for church.” As her mother dashed upstairs, Alexia headed to the door and threw it open, not in the mood to deal with company at all.
“Ummm hi,” the pretty, tall brunette on the other side of the door replied. “I’m not sure if you remember me….”
Oh Alexia remembered her all right. “Hello Erica,” she replied coolly back to her cousin.
Alexia’s sarcastic attitude seemed completely lost on her cousin. “Oh that’s good. I was worried that you hadn’t,” Erica said with a tiny smile. “So um, how have you been doing? How’s your mother?”
There they were, the magic words, the word that would immediately lead to yet another unwanted guest taking up residence in their house. Her mother would see Erica and ask her to stay, giving her another pretty face to love more than Alexia, if she even still loved Alexia at all.
I’m about to nip this shit in the bud….. Alexia closed the door behind her and stood outside to face her cousin. “She’s been doing fine since your mother banned her from your brother’s funeral.”
Aha! Alexia had hit a nerve. She could see the color immediately drain from Erica’s face. “I-I’m sorry about that,” Erica said. “I had nothing to do with it, I swear. I know that Rhett would have wanted all of you there. He loved you guys….”
“Save the drama for your mama,” Alexia said with an eye roll. She knew that it was a cliché saying, but it was exactly how she felt at the moment. “Speaking of her, did she send you here to gloat or something? You gonna pretend to help your poor, defenseless relatives and then brag about your fucked up good deeds in your mother’s glowing Christmas letter?”
Erica quickly shook her head. “No, it’s not like that at all! I know I’ve been rude in the past, but if you please let me explain….”
“Explain what exactly? Is this another one of your little dumbass monologues, because I’ve had about had it up to here with your theatrical bullshit.”
“No, no, you don’t understand. It’s different now. I’ve changed. See, I was getting married….”
“Oooooo a wedding, there goes yet another lovely Dempsey family function that we weren’t invited to. How charming, don’t expect us to send you a toaster.”
“I didn’t get married. I ran out. My parents and I aren’t really speaking to each other right now and I….”
“You thought that you’d slum with your poor cousins in an effort to teach dear mumsie and daddy a lesson?”
“No! Of course not! I’m not like my mother anymore. I didn’t mean to be rude all of those times…..”
“Oh what, you’re nice now? Sorry, but there’s only one nice person from your side of the family and he’s currently six feet under a pile of dirt.”
Erica looked like she was about to cry at that very second. “I’m sorry, I really am! Kylie, I swear I didn’t mean to….”
Oh hell no! That does it! “What the fuck did you just call me?” Alexia asked, her eyes narrowing.
“Y-you’re not K-Kylie?” Erica asked, looking like she wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Alexia loved that look. It made her feel like she was in control.
“Get out….” Alexia said with a slight growl. Her voice was intimidating enough to cause Erica to back down the stairs.
“I’m really sorry,” her cousin said yet again before getting into her car and driving off.
Alexia walked back into the house and shut the door, completely pleased with her actions. She was so glad that her mother hadn’t heard her.
“Who was at the door?” her mother asked as she came down the
stairs a few minutes later.
“Just some bitch selling insurance,” Alexia replied with a devilish grin. “I got rid of her though.”
“That’s my girl,” her mother said, smiling back at her and patting her on the shoulder.
Alexia’s smile faded a few seconds later when she saw Bekah coming down the stairs. “What’s Little Orphan Barbie Bitch doing here?” she asked with a scowl.
“Bekah came by to see Kylie,” her mother replied. “Plus, she’s been helping me with wedding stuff. I need all the help I can get. We barely have six months to get all of this stuff organized and Miki’s mom won’t be able to fly in from Australia for a while. If it wasn’t for Bekah, I’m not sure how I would have gotten this seating chart done. I was only able to figure out the head table by myself.”
“Yes, thank goodness you have Bekah to tell people where the hell to sit.” Alexia said sarcastically. “Wherever would we be without her? Is she going to church with you too?”
Bekah finally spoke up. “Actually I have to go meet Chase soon. He’s got something big planned, but he won’t tell me what. He’s always surprising me.” A huge grin spread across her face.
Alexia made a gagging sound. “Ewwww, nobody wants to hear about dumbass happy couples. ‘Oooooo I baked cookies with my boyfriend!’ Big fucking deal….”
“At least I have someone to bake cookies with. What do you have?” Bekah asked, rolling her eyes back at Alexia. She glanced down at a piece of a paper that she was holding in her hand. “Why is Liesl sitting at the head table and Kylie sitting all the way down at the end?”
“Well I didn’t want to make things awkward for the poor girl,” Alexia’s mother explained. “I remember a wedding I went years ago with my first husband a few months after Jack was born. It was for some girl that he knew in college. His ex-girlfriend was there too, so naturally I was nervous. She asked to take a family picture and you know what she did? She took a picture with my baby and my husband and left me completely out of it. I wound up having such a terrible time.” She took the piece of paper from Bekah, folded it up and put it in her purse. “I figure it would put Liesl more at ease if she got to sit up front with Brody instead of sitting all by herself. I had to put Kylie all the way on the end in order to make that possible.”
“Isn’t that a bit much, though?” Bekah asked. “I mean, you’re pushing aside your own daughter in favor of someone whose claim to fame is that she got knocked up by the best man. I get she’s had a hard time, but just how big of a deal is she? She’s not even in the wedding.”
Alexia groaned. You preppy bitches just all gotta stick together….. “Liesl Baker is a pretty fucking big deal. She struck a blow for humanity and put all the preppy bitches in their place. She’s a hero. She managed to successfully extinguish the evil from this house for a few months. Hell, she doesn’t just deserve to sit at the head table; she deserves an exhibit in the Smithsonian and a Nobel Peace Prize.”
Bekah raised an eyebrow. “And she deserves all of this because she got pregnant? By your logic, the entire cast of Teen Mom deserves Nobel Peace Prizes.”
“Maybe it would be easier if I, like, just didn’t go at all,” Kylie spoke up from the entrance to the kitchen.
Alexia grinned at the sight of her sister, fully clad in purple pajamas with matching bunny slippers. Her hair looked as though she had just stuck her finger in a light socket. The endless singing and whining may have gotten on Alexia’s nerves, but she got a sick little thrill out of seeing her preppy older sister walking around, looking a hot mess.
Her mother looked like the cat that had swallowed the canary. “Oh Kylie, I didn’t realize you were standing there, sweetie,” she said, giving her a hug. “Did you want some breakfast or something? I bought you waffles. You like those, don’t you?”
Not in the mood for yet another episode of The Kylie Show, Alexia stomped up the steps and slammed the door to her room, relieved that her younger sister Chynna was gone for the day. A whinny like sound came from a corner of the room at the sound of the door slam.
“Oh sorry Toby,” she said softly, as she picked up her pet spider monkey. “I didn’t mean to scare you, buddy.” Most people would find it strange to have a monkey for a pet, but Alexia wasn’t like most people. She’d had Toby since she was nine years old and considered him her best friend. Currently, he was the only living thing in her life that completely understood her.
“You wanna have a jam session now, Toby?” she asked, as though he could talk back to her. Balancing him on her hip, she picked up her guitar and sat down on the bed, putting Toby down next to her. “How about some Boxcar Racer? You ever heard of them? They’re kind of old, but they just randomly popped up on my iTunes one day.”
She began strumming her guitar as she sang the chorus to her favorite song at the moment. “Do you care if I don’t know what to say….will you sleep tonight, will you think of me….will I shake this off, pretend it’s all okay…..that there’s someone out there who feels just like me….there is….”
She paused for a moment and chuckled. “I know, Toby. There isn’t someone out there. Pretty weird lyrics, huh? Oh well, it’s still a pretty good guitar song.” She went back to playing and resumed singing the song, not caring how cheesy the lyrics were. “Those notes you wrote me…I've kept them all….I've given a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall…..with every single letter in every single word…..there will be a hidden message about a boy that loves a girl….”
She sat back on her bed as she indulged in one of her favorite pastimes, serenading her pet monkey. Toby was the best audience ever. He just sat there and listened. He never criticized her playing like her brother did or pretended to like it like her ex-boyfriend did. He just sat there and took her playing for what it was, just a weird girl goofing around with her guitar. Maybe I should just run away to live in a world full of monkeys…..that would be nice…..
“You want an encore, Toby?” she asked once she was finished the song. “Oh all right then….but only because you asked nicely.” She started playing the guitar yet again, singing another song that was at least ten years old.
“I tear my heart open…..I sew myself shut…..And my weakness is that I care too much…..”
It was supposed to be a good year.
Alexia was a senior in high school now, one grade away from eternal freedom and about nine months away from no longer being a kid.
All she had to do was get through this year and she would be home free. Things had started out really well. Her mother had gotten her a nice black ‘71 Chevy Nova for her birthday in October. Her mother had actually remembered that Alexia didn’t want a nice, shiny brand new car like her siblings. She remembered that Alexia preferred older classic cars, ones that told stories. Her brothers had even devoted an entire afternoon to helping her wash and polish it. They also accompanied her to the car shop to get the custom flames put on. It was nice to see her older brother Jack take a break from running around behind his plastic shallow bitch of a fiancée, her older brother Nick take a break from playing house with his girlfriend and her loud kids, and her younger brothers taking a break from just being….weird.
The preppy bitches were all pretty much gone from her life as well. Her older sister Kylie had skipped town. Kylie’s equally preppy and annoying best friend Bekah was living in a year-round dorm and spent most of her free time with her boyfriend, instead of worming her way into Alexia’s family. Alexia’s hyperactive godsister, Morgan, one of the most irritating creatures in the history of mankind, was living in the dorms as well. In fact, she made Alexia’s life even easier by moving into an apartment with her weird boyfriend, which meant that she wouldn’t staying overnight with Alexia and her family whenever she was on break from college. Alexia’s other dull and perfect older sister Brandie had also decided to stay in the dorms, freeing up even more space in the house. Alexia was only going to be stuck at home with her insane mother, her silent godsister Peyton, her brother Lucas who barely talked, her preppy and bubbly sister Sophie, her mostly invisible brother Cori, her Justin Bieber addicted sister Chynna, her wannabe pimp brother JJ, and her less annoying baby brother and sister, Sammy and Molly.
It sounded like a lot of people, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. She actually had breathing room for a change. Apart from hearing the screechy stupidity that was Justin Bieber’s music, it was pretty calm around her house.
Unfortunately, it was all too good to last. First, her slutty godsister Taylor decided to move out of the dorms and in with them in order to be closer to the guy that she was seeing. Of all the houses that Alexia’s mother could have picked to live in, she had made the mistake of picking the one next door to his family. Granted, it meant that Taylor was rarely home because she had to commute to school now, but her presence was still irritating.
Then her mother somehow convinced Kylie to come back home. She couldn’t just leave well enough alone. She couldn’t just leave Kylie crying her eyes out at their aunt and uncle’s place in Santa Fe. She just had to bring her back here so that she could cry her eyes out and disturb Alexia’s train of thought. Apparently four months was far too long for their mother to survive without her favorite child in her presence.
“In another liiiiiiiiiife, I would be your giiiiiiiirl…..”
Ugh, not again. Alexia wasn’t even inside the house and she could still hear Kylie’s dumbass music. “Has that bitch ever heard of headphones?” she mumbled to herself.
She stormed into the kitchen and slammed the patio door, nearly knocking the glass out of its pane. “Wow, what did the door ever do to you?” her mother asked with a laugh. She took a plate of food out of the microwave and put it on the kitchen island. “You smell like cigarettes,” she added.
“How perceptive of you,” Alexia said sarcastically as she sat down at the island. Of course she smelled like cigarettes. She had just come in from her morning cigarette break. Other than music and driving, cigarettes were the only thing that could calm her down and relax her. Unfortunately, her mother didn’t see it that way.
“What’s this?” she asked, pointing at the plate of food in an attempt to change the subject.
“It’s an omelet, silly,” her mother replied as she took a sip of orange juice. “I thought you loved omelets.”
“You hardly ever get omelets from Palmer’s. You always get waffles.” Despite being confused, she picked up her fork and took a few bites. Damn this is good…. “You want something, don’t you?” She racked her brain, trying to figure out what the motivation behind the tasty breakfast was. As soon as the omelet was half gone, a thought came to her. “I’m not staying here after high school.”
“It’s not about that, but since we’re already on the subject…..I do think that you should reconsider. Have you even looked into Riverside or the half dozen other colleges located in this state?” She went to a drawer, pulled out a stack of brochures, and placed them in front of Alexia.
Alexia groaned and immediately pushed them away. “I don’t want to get into this….not now, not ever.” She was leaving Riverside. Unlike her dim-witted sister, Alexia planned on making her departure permanent. She saw no point in staying in staying in a town with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. “I already told you that I’m going to the prom,” she said, electing to switch to yet another topic that was a source of debate between her and her mother.
“I know,” her mother replied, putting the brochures away. “And I’m happy that you decided to go. The prom is a very pivotal experience in the life of a teenager. Why when I was a teenager….”
Not wanting to hear yet another speech about the benefits of attending the prom, Alexia immediately held up a hand and shook her head. “Yeah, yeah, I’m going. Easiest hundred bucks that I’ll ever make.”
Due to her own past bad experiences, Alexia’s mother was determined to make sure that all of her children attended their school proms. It was so important to her that she even gave them a pity gift if they wound up having a terrible time. While she gave the underclassmen things like a gift card or a new outfit, the seniors got one hundred dollars. Despite these tempting incentives, Alexia’s siblings would often wind up having a good time and would forget all about the pity gifts. There were only a few rare occasions when they had a bad evening.
However, Alexia was different. She was three for three in the bad prom experience department and she was determined to make it four in a row. Her relationship with her ex-boyfriend had ended right before she attended her first high school prom and it had been downhill since then. The hundred dollars would definitely be hers.
As soon as Alexia finished her omelet, her mother took the plate away, rinsed it off and put it in the dishwasher. “Now hurry up and get changed. We’ll be late for church.”
Alexia’s eyebrows immediately arched up. “Come again?” she asked. Unlike some families, attending church was definitely not a part of the Howards’ Sunday morning routine. “I thought you said that this family doesn’t go to church unless somebody’s getting married or buried.”
Her mother nodded her head. “And you’re absolutely right. Somebody is getting married though, your brother.”
Alexia made an overly exaggerated gagging noise. “Ewwww, don’t remind me. I just ate.” The thought of her oldest brother’s upcoming nuptials was enough to cause her to lose not only her breakfast, but her lunch and dinner from the previous day. “What does that have to do with anything? He’s not getting bitch hitched until this summer.”
Choosing to ignore Alexia’s colorful insults, her mother sighed. “It takes a lot to put a wedding together. They don’t just throw themselves together overnight. There’s the flowers, the cake, the dresses, getting all of these people together…..it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do.”
As she listened to her mother’s warped reasoning, Alexia finally began to understand the excuse behind her sudden interest in church. “Let me guess, Jack needs a place to get bitch hitched to Malibu Barbie, so you have to make all nice with the minister so that he’ll bitch hitch them in his church, am I right?” At the glimpse of her mother nodding her head again, she groaned and continued. “Well, good luck with that. I’m sure there are tons of ministers who would love to join my brother and his plastic underage girlfriend in holy wedlock.”
Her mother shook her head and sighed. “I know it’s insane, but the least you can do is be supportive of your brother. If we don’t support them, then he and Miki will run off to elope and we’ll never see them again. Is that what you want?”
Alexia would have been perfectly content not seeing Miki again. Jack, on the other hand, was actually halfway decent most of the time. “You think he’s going to run away?” she asked. “Maybe we just all need to stay away from the Arthurs, since they seem to cause members of this family to run away.”
“Your sister didn’t run away. She just decided to take some time off before college to find herself, that’s all.”
That’s right, go make excuses for the bitch….. “Sure Mom, you let yourself believe that. The neighbors sure as hell didn’t,” Alexia said, making a face. “I still don’t know why the hell you bought her back here in the first place. Everything was fine without her.”
She couldn’t understand why her mother was looking at her so sadly. Alexia had been insulting Kylie for years. It was nothing new. “Because she’s my daughter and I missed her. She’s your sister. Didn’t you miss her?”
Oh lord, there she goes again with that sister thing….. “She’s my sister, but it’s not my fault that she is. You’re acting like I had a part in that decision.” Alexia hated that argument. She failed to see how being made from the same eggs, being fertilized by the same sperm, and coming out of the same vagina entitled her to be nice to another human being. Biology was such a bitch. “While she was gone, I was able to do whatever I wanted in this house. Now I can’t even eat, sleep, play music, think, or even take a piss without hearing my whiny ass sister mourning the loss of her fuck buddy! I swear that fucking bitch Katy Perry has a song for everything. I wouldn’t be surprised if her next album was called ‘My Fuck Buddy Don’t Love Me No More’.”
Her mother looked like she was about to pass out at what Alexia just said. After taking a few moments to collect herself, she replied calmly. “If anybody at the wedding asks you who Brody is, could you do me a huge favor and just tell them that he’s Jack’s best friend or Miki’s brother, instead of saying y-you know….what you just said.”
Oh how Alexia loved to rattle her mother’s nerves….. “Awwww, but saying ‘the guy who used to fuck my sister’ would really liven up the reception, don’t you think?” She nearly burst out laughing at the panicked look on her mother’s face. “Oh come on, have you seen those skirts that Kylie wears? Why else would he have wasted his time hanging around her?”
Before her mother had a chance to respond, the doorbell rang. “Could you get that, Alexia? I have to go finish getting ready for church.” As her mother dashed upstairs, Alexia headed to the door and threw it open, not in the mood to deal with company at all.
“Ummm hi,” the pretty, tall brunette on the other side of the door replied. “I’m not sure if you remember me….”
Oh Alexia remembered her all right. “Hello Erica,” she replied coolly back to her cousin.
Alexia’s sarcastic attitude seemed completely lost on her cousin. “Oh that’s good. I was worried that you hadn’t,” Erica said with a tiny smile. “So um, how have you been doing? How’s your mother?”
There they were, the magic words, the word that would immediately lead to yet another unwanted guest taking up residence in their house. Her mother would see Erica and ask her to stay, giving her another pretty face to love more than Alexia, if she even still loved Alexia at all.
I’m about to nip this shit in the bud….. Alexia closed the door behind her and stood outside to face her cousin. “She’s been doing fine since your mother banned her from your brother’s funeral.”
Aha! Alexia had hit a nerve. She could see the color immediately drain from Erica’s face. “I-I’m sorry about that,” Erica said. “I had nothing to do with it, I swear. I know that Rhett would have wanted all of you there. He loved you guys….”
“Save the drama for your mama,” Alexia said with an eye roll. She knew that it was a cliché saying, but it was exactly how she felt at the moment. “Speaking of her, did she send you here to gloat or something? You gonna pretend to help your poor, defenseless relatives and then brag about your fucked up good deeds in your mother’s glowing Christmas letter?”
Erica quickly shook her head. “No, it’s not like that at all! I know I’ve been rude in the past, but if you please let me explain….”
“Explain what exactly? Is this another one of your little dumbass monologues, because I’ve had about had it up to here with your theatrical bullshit.”
“No, no, you don’t understand. It’s different now. I’ve changed. See, I was getting married….”
“Oooooo a wedding, there goes yet another lovely Dempsey family function that we weren’t invited to. How charming, don’t expect us to send you a toaster.”
“I didn’t get married. I ran out. My parents and I aren’t really speaking to each other right now and I….”
“You thought that you’d slum with your poor cousins in an effort to teach dear mumsie and daddy a lesson?”
“No! Of course not! I’m not like my mother anymore. I didn’t mean to be rude all of those times…..”
“Oh what, you’re nice now? Sorry, but there’s only one nice person from your side of the family and he’s currently six feet under a pile of dirt.”
Erica looked like she was about to cry at that very second. “I’m sorry, I really am! Kylie, I swear I didn’t mean to….”
Oh hell no! That does it! “What the fuck did you just call me?” Alexia asked, her eyes narrowing.
“Y-you’re not K-Kylie?” Erica asked, looking like she wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Alexia loved that look. It made her feel like she was in control.
“Get out….” Alexia said with a slight growl. Her voice was intimidating enough to cause Erica to back down the stairs.
“I’m really sorry,” her cousin said yet again before getting into her car and driving off.
Alexia walked back into the house and shut the door, completely pleased with her actions. She was so glad that her mother hadn’t heard her.
“Who was at the door?” her mother asked as she came down the
stairs a few minutes later.
“Just some bitch selling insurance,” Alexia replied with a devilish grin. “I got rid of her though.”
“That’s my girl,” her mother said, smiling back at her and patting her on the shoulder.
Alexia’s smile faded a few seconds later when she saw Bekah coming down the stairs. “What’s Little Orphan Barbie Bitch doing here?” she asked with a scowl.
“Bekah came by to see Kylie,” her mother replied. “Plus, she’s been helping me with wedding stuff. I need all the help I can get. We barely have six months to get all of this stuff organized and Miki’s mom won’t be able to fly in from Australia for a while. If it wasn’t for Bekah, I’m not sure how I would have gotten this seating chart done. I was only able to figure out the head table by myself.”
“Yes, thank goodness you have Bekah to tell people where the hell to sit.” Alexia said sarcastically. “Wherever would we be without her? Is she going to church with you too?”
Bekah finally spoke up. “Actually I have to go meet Chase soon. He’s got something big planned, but he won’t tell me what. He’s always surprising me.” A huge grin spread across her face.
Alexia made a gagging sound. “Ewwww, nobody wants to hear about dumbass happy couples. ‘Oooooo I baked cookies with my boyfriend!’ Big fucking deal….”
“At least I have someone to bake cookies with. What do you have?” Bekah asked, rolling her eyes back at Alexia. She glanced down at a piece of a paper that she was holding in her hand. “Why is Liesl sitting at the head table and Kylie sitting all the way down at the end?”
“Well I didn’t want to make things awkward for the poor girl,” Alexia’s mother explained. “I remember a wedding I went years ago with my first husband a few months after Jack was born. It was for some girl that he knew in college. His ex-girlfriend was there too, so naturally I was nervous. She asked to take a family picture and you know what she did? She took a picture with my baby and my husband and left me completely out of it. I wound up having such a terrible time.” She took the piece of paper from Bekah, folded it up and put it in her purse. “I figure it would put Liesl more at ease if she got to sit up front with Brody instead of sitting all by herself. I had to put Kylie all the way on the end in order to make that possible.”
“Isn’t that a bit much, though?” Bekah asked. “I mean, you’re pushing aside your own daughter in favor of someone whose claim to fame is that she got knocked up by the best man. I get she’s had a hard time, but just how big of a deal is she? She’s not even in the wedding.”
Alexia groaned. You preppy bitches just all gotta stick together….. “Liesl Baker is a pretty fucking big deal. She struck a blow for humanity and put all the preppy bitches in their place. She’s a hero. She managed to successfully extinguish the evil from this house for a few months. Hell, she doesn’t just deserve to sit at the head table; she deserves an exhibit in the Smithsonian and a Nobel Peace Prize.”
Bekah raised an eyebrow. “And she deserves all of this because she got pregnant? By your logic, the entire cast of Teen Mom deserves Nobel Peace Prizes.”
“Maybe it would be easier if I, like, just didn’t go at all,” Kylie spoke up from the entrance to the kitchen.
Alexia grinned at the sight of her sister, fully clad in purple pajamas with matching bunny slippers. Her hair looked as though she had just stuck her finger in a light socket. The endless singing and whining may have gotten on Alexia’s nerves, but she got a sick little thrill out of seeing her preppy older sister walking around, looking a hot mess.
Her mother looked like the cat that had swallowed the canary. “Oh Kylie, I didn’t realize you were standing there, sweetie,” she said, giving her a hug. “Did you want some breakfast or something? I bought you waffles. You like those, don’t you?”
Not in the mood for yet another episode of The Kylie Show, Alexia stomped up the steps and slammed the door to her room, relieved that her younger sister Chynna was gone for the day. A whinny like sound came from a corner of the room at the sound of the door slam.
“Oh sorry Toby,” she said softly, as she picked up her pet spider monkey. “I didn’t mean to scare you, buddy.” Most people would find it strange to have a monkey for a pet, but Alexia wasn’t like most people. She’d had Toby since she was nine years old and considered him her best friend. Currently, he was the only living thing in her life that completely understood her.
“You wanna have a jam session now, Toby?” she asked, as though he could talk back to her. Balancing him on her hip, she picked up her guitar and sat down on the bed, putting Toby down next to her. “How about some Boxcar Racer? You ever heard of them? They’re kind of old, but they just randomly popped up on my iTunes one day.”
She began strumming her guitar as she sang the chorus to her favorite song at the moment. “Do you care if I don’t know what to say….will you sleep tonight, will you think of me….will I shake this off, pretend it’s all okay…..that there’s someone out there who feels just like me….there is….”
She paused for a moment and chuckled. “I know, Toby. There isn’t someone out there. Pretty weird lyrics, huh? Oh well, it’s still a pretty good guitar song.” She went back to playing and resumed singing the song, not caring how cheesy the lyrics were. “Those notes you wrote me…I've kept them all….I've given a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall…..with every single letter in every single word…..there will be a hidden message about a boy that loves a girl….”
She sat back on her bed as she indulged in one of her favorite pastimes, serenading her pet monkey. Toby was the best audience ever. He just sat there and listened. He never criticized her playing like her brother did or pretended to like it like her ex-boyfriend did. He just sat there and took her playing for what it was, just a weird girl goofing around with her guitar. Maybe I should just run away to live in a world full of monkeys…..that would be nice…..
“You want an encore, Toby?” she asked once she was finished the song. “Oh all right then….but only because you asked nicely.” She started playing the guitar yet again, singing another song that was at least ten years old.
“I tear my heart open…..I sew myself shut…..And my weakness is that I care too much…..”
