Post by Dani on Sept 16, 2011 16:48:13 GMT -5
“The art of losing isn’t difficult to master…..so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster….”
Kylie raised a hand and wiped yet another round of fresh tears from her reddened eyes. Given how overcrowded her brain had been lately, she was surprised that she was able to remember a line from her favorite poem.
The fact that Kylie even had a favorite poem would have been shocking to most people. After all, there was nothing about her outward appearance or demeanor that screamed “well read” or “scholarly”. A person would probably assume that the only things that Kylie had memorized in her entire life were lyrics that were sung by Katy Perry or Lady Gaga. Another person might have assumed that the only reason Kylie had heard of this particular poem was because they had probably mentioned it on an episode of Gossip Girl or some other angst-ridden television teen drama that was peppered with random literary references and SAT prep words.
Most people would think that the only reason that Kylie would read a poem in the first place would be if she were forced to for a school assignment. And that was exactly how she had arrived at reading this particular poem.
Kylie had been sitting in English class just a few months ago, paying more attention to doodling Brody’s name in hearts than to the current lesson. She was quickly brought back down to earth by the teacher’s voice reading the poem. Her ears immediately perked up and she began actually listening. The art of losing was something that she was very familiar with. She’d lost several beauty pageants, two fathers, two boyfriends, one almost boyfriend, her childhood home, her old school, her car, most of her dignity, most of her friends, among other things. She knew all too well that it was very easy to be a loser.
And thus, it quickly became Kylie’s favorite poem. She remembered packing up her books and dashing into the hallway after class let out that day. She thought the poem was so brilliant and just had to tell someone about it. It had taken just a few seconds for her to realize that none of her friends would really understand or were too busy to even try to understand. As soon as that realization had dawned on her, she looked up and saw Liesl standing across the hall, rubbing her stomach.
At the time, Kylie had figured it was just a coincidence, another rare instance of Liesl randomly popping up. Looking back, Liesl’s presence at that given point in time served a much bigger purpose. Fate had placed her there to show Kylie just exactly what, or more importantly whom, she would lose in the not so distant future.
That loss is what led to Kylie’s tear-stained, reddened eyes and what eventually led her to begin packing up her things. She had no choice. Leaving was her only option.
As she finished clearing off her nightstand, she caught sight of her purple jeweled picture frame. It was one of the many things she bought during a much needed dose of retail therapy. She still thought the frame was very nice. However, it was the picture inside the frame that reduced her to tears. She let out a huge scream and threw the precious frame at her wall, shattering the glass in the process. What was once a cute childhood memory was now too painful and depressing to glimpse at.
“Hey watch it! You could hurt someone, you know?”
Kylie gasped at the sight of Bekah standing in the doorway, the shattered glass scattered at her feet. “I-I didn’t hurt you, didn’t I?” What’s she doing here? Nobody else was home. The rest of the family had gone out to Coble’s for dinner, while Kylie had stayed home “sick”. Luckily nobody had caught on to the fact that she couldn’t bear to set foot in that restaurant ever again.
“No, I’m fine,” Bekah said, bypassing the pile of broken glass and sitting on the edge of Kylie’s bed. “I just came by to check on you.” She glanced over at the nearby mess and shook her head. “You care to explain exactly why I nearly got attacked by a picture of some kids and a birthday cake?”
Kylie wiped some more tears from her eyes. Would they ever stop? “It was my birthday,” she recalled after clearing her throat. “I wanted Brody to come, but I was like too nervous to invite him. So I wound up asking his sister Jade if he could come. I asked her if all of her siblings would come because it would look totally stalkerish if I just asked about Brody. Anyways, the day of my party, like everyone showed up. My cousins were there, like most of my class was there, everybody was there….except for Brody and his siblings. Of course I was like all sad and stuff because he was like the main person that I wanted there. I kept telling Mom that we couldn’t start the party because he wasn’t there yet.”
Bekah raised an eyebrow. “So he never showed up? What a jerk….”
Kylie took a deep breath. Despite the recent turn of events, she still loved Brody, even though he didn’t love her. “No, he showed up,” she said, her face brightening at the memory of him walking through the front door. “They all did, just as we were getting ready to eat pizza.” She glanced over at the pieces of glass in the floor. “Brody’s the blonde haired boy in the picture on the left. He was always so majorly cute.” Her face turned bright right as she continued. “After I blew out my candles, he kept asking me what I wished for. I told him that I wanted to be famous, which was only part of it. I was too embarrassed to tell him the rest. His brother told him to stop asking me because if I told my wish, it wouldn’t come true and it wasn’t nice of Brody to try to like weasel it out of me.”
Bekah shook her head and giggled. “Yeah, that sounds like something he would do. So what did you wind up wishing for?”
“I guess there’s no harm in me telling you this. It’s so not gonna come true now.” Would the tears ever stop? Her eyes desperately needed a rest from all of this crying. “I…I wanted to be his g-girlfriend. He already had one, but I thought that if I like wished hard enough……” She squeezed her eyes shut; foolishly hoping that she could somehow trap her tears. “The next day, Mom took us to the pet store. His girlfriend’s family owned the pet store. Brody was there with her….turns out my wish didn’t come true.”
Realizing that there was no use in squeezing her eyes, Kylie buried her face into her pillow. She could feel Bekah’s hand rubbing her back. She was grateful for it, but it wasn’t doing much for her mood. “After he took me to the movies that day,” she said as she sobbed into the pillow. “I thought that I was getting another chance. I thought that I was finally going to be his girlfriend. Then Liesl….she took my wish……she….”
Her voice breaking, she got up and began throwing more things into her suitcase. “I always think about what would have happened if she hadn’t shown up. What if she had found the wrong motorcycle to sit on? What if Brody and I had left before she showed up? Brody and I….we could have been….” She coughed and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “But I can’t think that….because that’s like me saying that I want Brody’s kid to grow up without a father and I don’t that to happen….I never wanted that to happen….I’m not that horrible, Bekah….I swear to God, I’m not….I’m not my stepmother…..”
Shaking her head, Bekah wrapped her arms around Kylie. “I never thought you were horrible. You might have said some bad things to a few people in high school, but you were always a nice person…..you are a nice person…..”
Kylie wiggled her way free from Bekah’s arms and continued packing. “Yes, I’m nice. I’m very nice. I very nicely waited while Brody spent time taking Liesl to the doctor and stuff. I very nicely tried to say hi to her at Holiday Hall, even though she walked out. I very nicely gave up going to my senior prom with the guy I loved because I felt bad that she was pregnant. You know what being nice gets you? It gets you shit! That’s what it gets you!”
At the sight of Bekah’s shocked expression, Kylie went on. “I kept hoping and dreaming…wishing on stars and all other kinds of ridiculous things. I was hoping that maybe, just maybe, that we’d break the streak. That maybe Mom was wrong. But you can’t screw with tradition….Liesl’s the girl that he knocked up, so he has to love her…..that’s what happens with everyone else around here, why should this situation be any different?”
Kylie slammed her suitcase shut. “I should have known that all that wishing was such a total waste of time. Because I’m never going to be Liesl; I’m never going to be Eve; I’m never going to be Kristi. I’m always going to be just plain old Kylie. I wasn’t good enough for him when I was a kid and I’m not good enough for him now.” She picked up her suitcase and headed towards the door.
Before she could turn the knob, Bekah suddenly appeared in front of her, blocking her pathway. “No Kylie,” she said, her voice breaking as well. “Don’t leave. Brody’s a jerk. You can do so much better. There’s another guy out there somewhere…..”
“Is that supposed to like make me feel better or something? You think that all you have to do is say that Brody’s a jerk and I’ll like magically fall out of love with him? If I called Chase a jerk, would that make you suddenly stop loving him? Miki tried to do the same thing with me. She kept reminding me of all of this stuff that Brody had done in the past. Guess what? It didn’t work. I still love him. I know you think that I might need to have my head examined or whatever, but that’s just how I feel about him.”
“Kylie,” Bekah began again. “I never said that it would be easy, but maybe someday…..”
“Someday, I’ll like meet someone else?” Kylie interrupted. “Exactly who am I going to meet? I’m cursed, remember? Luke left, Jordan left, and Emmett left. I keep causing people to leave town. This time I’m going to leave town. It’s not like there’s anything left here for me anyways.”
Bekah shook her head and grabbed Kylie by the shoulders. “Kylie, listen to me, please. There are tons of people here that care about you….you have no idea. What about your mom, your siblings, Miki, Reese, Alegrah, me? Just because Brody doesn’t love you….it doesn’t mean that we don’t…..”
Kylie shook her head as well. “Nobody understands….nobody does. Mom is on Team Liesl. She doesn’t give a damn about how I feel. It’s Jack’s fault that I got my hopes up in the first place. My other siblings are too busy with their own lives to care about me. All Miki will do is say stuff like ‘I told you so’ and jump for joy at the fact that her best friend and older brother will never be together. Reese has a boyfriend to hang out with and student council stuff to do. She doesn’t have time to listen to my problems. I haven’t seen Alegrah in months. I don’t even know if she’s still in town. And you….you have school and Chase. Plus, I’m so not in the mood to hear another ‘Brody is a jerk’ story. I’m really not.”
Bekah sighed and slowly moved away from the door. “Is there something….anything that I can do to make you stay?” she asked, her eyes also starting to well up with tears. “Please….there has to be something….”
“You want me to stay here? Where Brody is? Where I can run into him and Liesl on like any given day of the week? You want me to just go over to Miki’s house and act like everything’s super cool between us? You want me to pretend like it’s not killing me inside that I can’t hug him, kiss him, or be with him ever again?” Several painful mental images rushed through her head: Brody and Liesl pushing a baby carriage in the park; Brody and Liesl kissing, Brody and Liesl getting married; Brody sleeping with Liesl in the same bed that he had slept with Kylie in….. The last image caused a horrible sinking feeling to develop in the pit of her stomach. “I-I have to go now.” She headed out the door and down the steps, dragging the heavy suitcase with her.
She could hear Bekah’s footsteps not too far behind her. “Kylie!” she cried out. “Don’t go! Please…just think about this….just don’t…. You’re too upset to drive….it’s raining outside…..”
Kylie opened the front door and sighed. “I’m sorry Bekah. I really am. Please tell Mom and everyone that I love them and I’ll call eventually. And please give the purple shopping bag of stuff in my closet to Jack and Miki. It’s for Brody and Liesl’s baby…it’s not much….just like some toys and a onesie……” She put down her suitcase and gave Bekah a hug. “And thanks for being my friend, I really appreciate it.”
Choking back another sob, she picked up the suitcase and headed out the front door into the pouring rain. She could hear Bekah still calling after her, but she ignored her. She couldn’t bear to turn around and let Bekah convince her to stay. And she knew perfectly well that Bekah would have eventually talked her into staying. She knew that Bekah wouldn’t want to lose her as a friend.
“The art of losing is difficult to master,” she said to herself as she got in the car. “So many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster…..”
And with that in mind, Kylie started up her car and swerved out of the driveway onto the soaking wet street. After swerving again to avoid hitting an oncoming truck, she sped up and faded away into the darkness forever.
Kylie raised a hand and wiped yet another round of fresh tears from her reddened eyes. Given how overcrowded her brain had been lately, she was surprised that she was able to remember a line from her favorite poem.
The fact that Kylie even had a favorite poem would have been shocking to most people. After all, there was nothing about her outward appearance or demeanor that screamed “well read” or “scholarly”. A person would probably assume that the only things that Kylie had memorized in her entire life were lyrics that were sung by Katy Perry or Lady Gaga. Another person might have assumed that the only reason Kylie had heard of this particular poem was because they had probably mentioned it on an episode of Gossip Girl or some other angst-ridden television teen drama that was peppered with random literary references and SAT prep words.
Most people would think that the only reason that Kylie would read a poem in the first place would be if she were forced to for a school assignment. And that was exactly how she had arrived at reading this particular poem.
Kylie had been sitting in English class just a few months ago, paying more attention to doodling Brody’s name in hearts than to the current lesson. She was quickly brought back down to earth by the teacher’s voice reading the poem. Her ears immediately perked up and she began actually listening. The art of losing was something that she was very familiar with. She’d lost several beauty pageants, two fathers, two boyfriends, one almost boyfriend, her childhood home, her old school, her car, most of her dignity, most of her friends, among other things. She knew all too well that it was very easy to be a loser.
And thus, it quickly became Kylie’s favorite poem. She remembered packing up her books and dashing into the hallway after class let out that day. She thought the poem was so brilliant and just had to tell someone about it. It had taken just a few seconds for her to realize that none of her friends would really understand or were too busy to even try to understand. As soon as that realization had dawned on her, she looked up and saw Liesl standing across the hall, rubbing her stomach.
At the time, Kylie had figured it was just a coincidence, another rare instance of Liesl randomly popping up. Looking back, Liesl’s presence at that given point in time served a much bigger purpose. Fate had placed her there to show Kylie just exactly what, or more importantly whom, she would lose in the not so distant future.
That loss is what led to Kylie’s tear-stained, reddened eyes and what eventually led her to begin packing up her things. She had no choice. Leaving was her only option.
As she finished clearing off her nightstand, she caught sight of her purple jeweled picture frame. It was one of the many things she bought during a much needed dose of retail therapy. She still thought the frame was very nice. However, it was the picture inside the frame that reduced her to tears. She let out a huge scream and threw the precious frame at her wall, shattering the glass in the process. What was once a cute childhood memory was now too painful and depressing to glimpse at.
“Hey watch it! You could hurt someone, you know?”
Kylie gasped at the sight of Bekah standing in the doorway, the shattered glass scattered at her feet. “I-I didn’t hurt you, didn’t I?” What’s she doing here? Nobody else was home. The rest of the family had gone out to Coble’s for dinner, while Kylie had stayed home “sick”. Luckily nobody had caught on to the fact that she couldn’t bear to set foot in that restaurant ever again.
“No, I’m fine,” Bekah said, bypassing the pile of broken glass and sitting on the edge of Kylie’s bed. “I just came by to check on you.” She glanced over at the nearby mess and shook her head. “You care to explain exactly why I nearly got attacked by a picture of some kids and a birthday cake?”
Kylie wiped some more tears from her eyes. Would they ever stop? “It was my birthday,” she recalled after clearing her throat. “I wanted Brody to come, but I was like too nervous to invite him. So I wound up asking his sister Jade if he could come. I asked her if all of her siblings would come because it would look totally stalkerish if I just asked about Brody. Anyways, the day of my party, like everyone showed up. My cousins were there, like most of my class was there, everybody was there….except for Brody and his siblings. Of course I was like all sad and stuff because he was like the main person that I wanted there. I kept telling Mom that we couldn’t start the party because he wasn’t there yet.”
Bekah raised an eyebrow. “So he never showed up? What a jerk….”
Kylie took a deep breath. Despite the recent turn of events, she still loved Brody, even though he didn’t love her. “No, he showed up,” she said, her face brightening at the memory of him walking through the front door. “They all did, just as we were getting ready to eat pizza.” She glanced over at the pieces of glass in the floor. “Brody’s the blonde haired boy in the picture on the left. He was always so majorly cute.” Her face turned bright right as she continued. “After I blew out my candles, he kept asking me what I wished for. I told him that I wanted to be famous, which was only part of it. I was too embarrassed to tell him the rest. His brother told him to stop asking me because if I told my wish, it wouldn’t come true and it wasn’t nice of Brody to try to like weasel it out of me.”
Bekah shook her head and giggled. “Yeah, that sounds like something he would do. So what did you wind up wishing for?”
“I guess there’s no harm in me telling you this. It’s so not gonna come true now.” Would the tears ever stop? Her eyes desperately needed a rest from all of this crying. “I…I wanted to be his g-girlfriend. He already had one, but I thought that if I like wished hard enough……” She squeezed her eyes shut; foolishly hoping that she could somehow trap her tears. “The next day, Mom took us to the pet store. His girlfriend’s family owned the pet store. Brody was there with her….turns out my wish didn’t come true.”
Realizing that there was no use in squeezing her eyes, Kylie buried her face into her pillow. She could feel Bekah’s hand rubbing her back. She was grateful for it, but it wasn’t doing much for her mood. “After he took me to the movies that day,” she said as she sobbed into the pillow. “I thought that I was getting another chance. I thought that I was finally going to be his girlfriend. Then Liesl….she took my wish……she….”
Her voice breaking, she got up and began throwing more things into her suitcase. “I always think about what would have happened if she hadn’t shown up. What if she had found the wrong motorcycle to sit on? What if Brody and I had left before she showed up? Brody and I….we could have been….” She coughed and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “But I can’t think that….because that’s like me saying that I want Brody’s kid to grow up without a father and I don’t that to happen….I never wanted that to happen….I’m not that horrible, Bekah….I swear to God, I’m not….I’m not my stepmother…..”
Shaking her head, Bekah wrapped her arms around Kylie. “I never thought you were horrible. You might have said some bad things to a few people in high school, but you were always a nice person…..you are a nice person…..”
Kylie wiggled her way free from Bekah’s arms and continued packing. “Yes, I’m nice. I’m very nice. I very nicely waited while Brody spent time taking Liesl to the doctor and stuff. I very nicely tried to say hi to her at Holiday Hall, even though she walked out. I very nicely gave up going to my senior prom with the guy I loved because I felt bad that she was pregnant. You know what being nice gets you? It gets you shit! That’s what it gets you!”
At the sight of Bekah’s shocked expression, Kylie went on. “I kept hoping and dreaming…wishing on stars and all other kinds of ridiculous things. I was hoping that maybe, just maybe, that we’d break the streak. That maybe Mom was wrong. But you can’t screw with tradition….Liesl’s the girl that he knocked up, so he has to love her…..that’s what happens with everyone else around here, why should this situation be any different?”
Kylie slammed her suitcase shut. “I should have known that all that wishing was such a total waste of time. Because I’m never going to be Liesl; I’m never going to be Eve; I’m never going to be Kristi. I’m always going to be just plain old Kylie. I wasn’t good enough for him when I was a kid and I’m not good enough for him now.” She picked up her suitcase and headed towards the door.
Before she could turn the knob, Bekah suddenly appeared in front of her, blocking her pathway. “No Kylie,” she said, her voice breaking as well. “Don’t leave. Brody’s a jerk. You can do so much better. There’s another guy out there somewhere…..”
“Is that supposed to like make me feel better or something? You think that all you have to do is say that Brody’s a jerk and I’ll like magically fall out of love with him? If I called Chase a jerk, would that make you suddenly stop loving him? Miki tried to do the same thing with me. She kept reminding me of all of this stuff that Brody had done in the past. Guess what? It didn’t work. I still love him. I know you think that I might need to have my head examined or whatever, but that’s just how I feel about him.”
“Kylie,” Bekah began again. “I never said that it would be easy, but maybe someday…..”
“Someday, I’ll like meet someone else?” Kylie interrupted. “Exactly who am I going to meet? I’m cursed, remember? Luke left, Jordan left, and Emmett left. I keep causing people to leave town. This time I’m going to leave town. It’s not like there’s anything left here for me anyways.”
Bekah shook her head and grabbed Kylie by the shoulders. “Kylie, listen to me, please. There are tons of people here that care about you….you have no idea. What about your mom, your siblings, Miki, Reese, Alegrah, me? Just because Brody doesn’t love you….it doesn’t mean that we don’t…..”
Kylie shook her head as well. “Nobody understands….nobody does. Mom is on Team Liesl. She doesn’t give a damn about how I feel. It’s Jack’s fault that I got my hopes up in the first place. My other siblings are too busy with their own lives to care about me. All Miki will do is say stuff like ‘I told you so’ and jump for joy at the fact that her best friend and older brother will never be together. Reese has a boyfriend to hang out with and student council stuff to do. She doesn’t have time to listen to my problems. I haven’t seen Alegrah in months. I don’t even know if she’s still in town. And you….you have school and Chase. Plus, I’m so not in the mood to hear another ‘Brody is a jerk’ story. I’m really not.”
Bekah sighed and slowly moved away from the door. “Is there something….anything that I can do to make you stay?” she asked, her eyes also starting to well up with tears. “Please….there has to be something….”
“You want me to stay here? Where Brody is? Where I can run into him and Liesl on like any given day of the week? You want me to just go over to Miki’s house and act like everything’s super cool between us? You want me to pretend like it’s not killing me inside that I can’t hug him, kiss him, or be with him ever again?” Several painful mental images rushed through her head: Brody and Liesl pushing a baby carriage in the park; Brody and Liesl kissing, Brody and Liesl getting married; Brody sleeping with Liesl in the same bed that he had slept with Kylie in….. The last image caused a horrible sinking feeling to develop in the pit of her stomach. “I-I have to go now.” She headed out the door and down the steps, dragging the heavy suitcase with her.
She could hear Bekah’s footsteps not too far behind her. “Kylie!” she cried out. “Don’t go! Please…just think about this….just don’t…. You’re too upset to drive….it’s raining outside…..”
Kylie opened the front door and sighed. “I’m sorry Bekah. I really am. Please tell Mom and everyone that I love them and I’ll call eventually. And please give the purple shopping bag of stuff in my closet to Jack and Miki. It’s for Brody and Liesl’s baby…it’s not much….just like some toys and a onesie……” She put down her suitcase and gave Bekah a hug. “And thanks for being my friend, I really appreciate it.”
Choking back another sob, she picked up the suitcase and headed out the front door into the pouring rain. She could hear Bekah still calling after her, but she ignored her. She couldn’t bear to turn around and let Bekah convince her to stay. And she knew perfectly well that Bekah would have eventually talked her into staying. She knew that Bekah wouldn’t want to lose her as a friend.
“The art of losing is difficult to master,” she said to herself as she got in the car. “So many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster…..”
And with that in mind, Kylie started up her car and swerved out of the driveway onto the soaking wet street. After swerving again to avoid hitting an oncoming truck, she sped up and faded away into the darkness forever.
