Thongchai and Beverly Kita (2016)

[Tori]

Thursday night, and while Thongchai had his night class, Beverly had some time to herself to just relax and wait anxiously for her fiance to come home. She was sitting on the couch, with her legs kicked up, her hands resting behind her head, just thinking. She and Thongchai had been talking quite a bit about their marriage, and what would happen after. He had wanted to adopt, considering he didn’t want to risk endangering the baby nor even herself with his HIV. He wanted to just play it safe and adopt a simple little child. That wasn’t what Beverly was thinking however. Beverly never liked to play it safe. Ever since she was little, she would run out into the forest with her twin brother Eric, climb and swing from trees, jumping into a lake after. Playing it safe just wasn’t her forte. Giving a long and loud sigh, Beverly leaned over, resting her elbows on her knees with her hands cupped in her chin, continuing to process all her thoughts going through her right now.

“I do love Chai and all, but...” she said to herself softly, “He should know better than to keep me locked up in here, when there’s a whole world out there to see.” she sighed again, covering her face in her hands. Looking back up again, she stared intensely at the coffee table in front of her as if she were glaring at it or something. She stood up then, finally deciding what she was going to do, and she marched herself back into their room to put on something a bit more flattering than sweats.

Once she was dressed, wearing her dark blue denim skinny jeans, plain black tank top, black heels she hardly ever wore except for dates with Thongchai, and her hair brushed and straightened. Before heading out the door though, she wrote down a quick little note in case Thongchai got home before she did.

Chai,
Gone out to do some errands. Will be back as soon as possible.
รักมากมาย (Lots of love),
Bev

Though the truth was that, Beverly wasn’t exactly out to do errands. She hopped in her car, and headed towards the nearest bar club she could find.

Walking into the club, Beverly did a quick flash with her ID, heading straight for the bar first, to get a few drinks in her. Of course since she was alone, it would be that much harder for her to talk to these people seeing as she was possibly the only American in here. She slid into one of the stools, tapping the bar with her finger to get the bartenders attention, clearing her throat before speaking in Thai. “ที่แข็งแรงที่สุดที่คุณได้รับได้ไหม (Strongest you got, please?)” she spoke out rather fluently, as the bartender nodded, sliding a shot glass over to her. She gripped the glass in her fist, gulping down the liquor with her head falling back, and her face squinting afterwards. “Oh, man. That is strong.” she muttered to herself, spinning her seat around to get a better view of all the single men on the dance floor.

After gulping down her third shot, she felt her head feel sort of funny at last. And before you knew it, Beverly spotted herself being watched by this gorgeous guy, looking about her own age. He winked at her, as she winked back at him, feeling so flirtatious as well as a little drunk. She slid over to the Thai boy seductively, leaning more into him as she spoke out fluently but her voice still all shaken up from the liquor in her body. “วิธีการที่คุณทำ, เซ็กซี่? (How you doing, sexy?)” The guy spoke back to her just as seductively, and before you knew it, Beverly was on the dance floor, feeling more sober again, but that didn’t stop her from continuing to grind on this strange new guy that seemed to be doing just the same with her.

Soon enough, the gorgeous Thai boy was leading Beverly into one of the nearby closets, rubbing his hands all over her, getting ready to undress her as she was doing just the same. Sure, Beverly did feel really bad for what she was doing to Thongchai, but if she didn’t do this, then it was possible that Beverly wouldn’t be able to have a baby of her own. Although she did want more than anything Thongchai to be the father of her baby. But since he continually denied her earlier offers, she did what she had to do. But before she got too far, she managed to take a quick glance at a clock in the room they were in, noticing it was getting a lot later than she suspected she’d be. Holding up a finger to the strange boy, letting him continue with his grinding on her, she quickly pulled out her phone to text her fiance that she’d probably be home a lot later than expected.

hey babe, srry its taking so long. im on my way home
now, but got stuck in traffic. dont know how long it’ll be till
im home. love you, xoxo Bev

Just as she sent the message though, she felt a sudden pressure thrusting into her lower body, causing her to let out a loud yelp. Looking down, she saw that it was happening. She was, definitely, doing what she had always feared doing; cheating on her fiance.

It took about five minutes before realizing that Thongchai wasn’t going to reply back. So, tossing her phone aside, having it land safely on her pants which were already tossed aside as well as the rest of her clothes, Beverly continued what she was doing, pressing harder against this stranger. She started breathing heavily again, for she hadn’t felt this satisfied in what seemed like forever.

It took Beverly another ten minutes later only to realize what she was really doing. She paused herself, while the guy continued thrusting his body on top of her, while she stayed still, her muscles almost relaxed again except for the pressure continuously going through her causing her eyes to squint shut. “Wait...stop...” she tried saying at first, catching her breath. The guy wouldn’t stop though, and that made Beverly even more frustrated not just with him, but with herself. “Stop!!” she squealed, pushing him off her, as she quickly scrambled to her feet, grabbing her clothes from across the room, throwing them back on quickly before sprinting out of the small room, leaving the boy behind naked, not stopping till she reached her car to race back home.

Tears rolled down her cheeks on the drive back, she sniffled, wiping her nose on her arm blubbering something hard to understand. “Stupid..so stupid....” she continued blubbering to herself, hitting her forehead with her hand a few times before turning into their driveway to their apartment finally. She turned off the car and unbuckled herself, but remained seated, throwing her head on the steering wheel, trying to shed off the last bit of tears before entering their apartment. “I can’t believe I did that...I did it...I don’t want to....God! Son of a bitch!” she cursed, banging herself on the wheel without hitting the horn. She bit back her lip then, as she wiped the last bit of her tears, letting out a long shaky sigh. “I’ll just....yeah, I’ll check tomorrow.” she told herself, talking about testing to see if she was pregnant or not.

She finally got out of the car, tip-toeing up the walkway to the front door holding her heels at hand, hoping that Thongchai would be fast asleep so that she could sneak in much easier. She opened the door slowly, a small squeak escaping from the old door, and closed it just as carefully and softly. She peaked in the living room spotting the TV on, then her fiance lying on the couch curled up in a tight blanket, nearly asleep. He must not be feeling good. She thought to herself, a frown showing on her face. Beverly carefully set her heels down by the door then, before coming up behind the couch he was curled up on, kissing him softly on the forehead whether or not he was still awake. “You feeling okay, Chai?” she asked suddenly, feeling the burning of his forehead touch her lips after kissing him. “Are you sick again?” she asked again, walking around to curl up beside him, wrapping her arm around him just like a mother would.

I dunno...” Thongchai muttered in reply, blinking a couple times as he tried to wake up. “I’m really cold... But it’s almost 80 degrees outside.” He said, knowing it wasn’t actually as cold as his body thought it was.

Beverly frowned yet again, holding Thongchai tightly in her arms as he curled in closer to her. She kissed his temple once more, hugging him close. “It is pretty warm outside. And you are pretty warm right now...” she shrugged, her face looking more and more concerned with the way he had himself positioned in.

“Where’d you go?” He asked her groggily, leaning into her, pulling an arm out of the blanket and wrapping it behind her back and resting his hand on her opposite shoulder. “To the bank? Drop off something?” He asked, simply curious.

Shrugging slightly again at his question thrown at her, Beverly bit her lip slightly. “Um, yeah. Just had a check that needed to be put into the bank. I had to get some cash anyway.” she lied, persuasively at that, giving him a gentle grin before resting her head on his shoulder. “You’ve been getting sick a lot lately. You sure you’re feeling okay?”

Thongchai remained silent for almost a minute, battling with himself if he should tell her the news he received from the doctor. He bit his lip before speaking, “A-actually...” He began, only to find he’d have a hard time telling her, after all, he hated talking about it. If he could just pretend it didn’t exist, that would be ideal for him. “When I went to the doctor’s earlier this week... They... They told me some bad news...” He breathed deeply, “If... If my t-cell count gets any lower, I’ll officially have AIDS, not HIV...” He told her quietly, his voice shaking as he mentioned the word.

Beverly listened carefully to his spoken words, her eyes growing wider every time his news kept getting worse and worse. “Oh my god...” that was basically the only words Beverly had in her at the moment, she shook her head slowly, more to herself at what she had done to him behind his back. “I...I’m so sorry...I don’...I don’t know what to say..” she let out slowly and carefully, shedding a single tear down her cheek feeling the worst that she’s ever felt in a long time. “Chai...” she started to say again, burying her face in his chest, trying her best to hold in the rest of her tears. Although it didn’t really help that she was nearly choking over her words as she spoke to him again. “I..” she sighed, “I don’t want to lose you....I love you too much...” she managed to blubber out just as softly as when he was speaking to her.

Thongchai bit his lip, seeming to be the only way to stop himself from crying with her. “The... the dosage... in the medicine was upped. Hopefully it’ll help.” He explained, trying to hide just how scared he truly was. His voice was shaky, and swallowed down a lump in his throat.

Beverly nodded. “We can only hope.” she said softly, feeling the lump in her own throat begin to grow again, practically jumping at his next explanation and movement he made just then.

“But... the doctor said if I keep getting sick, my... immune system won’t be able to fight it much longer.” His hand free from the blanket moved from Beverly’s shoulder to the couch, as he punched it in frustration. “I was feeling perfectly fine this morning!” He cried out, refusing to let tears fall even though they were trying to brim over.

She furrowed her eyebrows, staring intensely at his fist against the couch, and she reached over to grab hold of it tightly, lacing their fingers together again, before looking back in his eyes. “You won’t get sick though. I promise you, starting tonight, I won’t be running out on you by surprise anymore. No more notes left behind or anything.” she told him sounding more confident now than before, although the lump in her throat caught her attention every now and then. “I’ll be sitting here, curled up next to you, doing whatever it takes to get you better. And that’s a promise I’m willing to keep, Chai Chai.” She finished up her little speech with a small peck on his forehead, her smile not getting any wider once she felt that heat in his head start to burn again. She lifted her free hand up, brushing her fingertips against his soft, and flushed cheek, smiling ever so sweetly at him.

Thongchai smiled softly, but shook his head. “No, we still need to make a living.” He told her, his smile warming with his small joke. “If you did that, then we wouldn’t be able to make rent... I’ll rest a lot, don’t worry.” He told her confident. “I didn’t mean to scare you... Just... I wanted you to know.” He told her, giving her a soft peck on the cheek. “A-and we’ll be more careful from now on. I’ll wear a mask when I go out. And if you get sick, I’ll also wear a mask.” He told her, trying to make it more positive.
Beverly managed to pull off a bit wider and warmer smile as Thongchai did. Even though she still felt horrible on the inside, she did her best not to bring it out. “Okay...Just as long as you promise you’ll rest a lot.” she told him with a warm smile, yet still sounding completely serious. But as soon as he mentioned the last part with the mask, she couldn’t help but giggle slightly. “Well, hopefully I won’t get sick then.” she grinned, twiddling with his fingers and biting back her lip then. “You’re gonna get better, Chai. I promise you. Nothing bad will happen to you while I’m here.” she promised, smiling warmly at him, leaning her head back on his shoulder, thinking to herself how it was technically too late, for she had already betrayed him in one way.....

Thongchai smiled, letting her rest on him. Only a few seconds passed on the television before Thongchai reached for the remote, careful not to disturb Beverly. “Ah, what are we watching? This is lame.” He said with a laugh, flipping through channels. He settled on a music channel. “They’re playing Korean music...” He stated, letting songs that made him think of home play quietly in the background. He seemed oblivious to Beverly on the outside, but inside, he was a worried about his fiancee. Did I tell her too bluntly? He wondered, glancing at her, concerned. Did I do something wrong, Beverly?

Beverly lifted her head up only slightly to get a glance at what he was changing the channel to, giggling at his rhetorical question he asked as well. She laid her head back on him then, changing her smile back into a small frown, letting the Korean music flow through her head while she continued thinking of what she had done and what she can do to fix it. A few seconds later then, without realizing herself, Beverly let out a long, soft sigh.

“I’m sorry.” Thongchai seemed to reply almost as soon as the sigh came out of her mouth. “I shouldn’t have told you so suddenly. I...” His voice faded off, and his look seemed guilty, but also the same type of cuteness people used to see when he was younger. “I didn’t mean to make you upset... If it’s because of me...”

Beverly flinched her head up towards him just as soon as he spoke up to her again. Was that sigh really that noticeable? she wondered to herself, biting down on her lip as she searched frantically for the right words to tell him that it wasn’t in anyway his fault. “No..I mean, its fine. I’m glad you told me.” she started out saying, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek before continuing, “I’m just glad you were being honest with me. Honesty is the best policy, remember?” she grinned, though inside she was breaking. How can she be saying that when she wasn’t being anything close to honest with him right now? Beverly looked at the clock suddenly then, realizing it was near midnight already, letting out a big yawn before returning to his gaze. “It’s really late. We should probably get to bed now, especially if you want to get better real soon.” she winked, letting a small giggle slip out. “Did you wanna sleep out here for tonight, or come to bed with me?” she asked, sitting back upright, after kissing his rather warm forehead, stroking it with her hand.
“Oh...” Thongchai muttered, looking up at the clock. “It has gotten pretty late, hasn’t it?” He asked her. With the blanket still wrapped around him, he stood up and turned off the television, “It’s probably better for me to sleep in bed, right? Better rest and all that...” He replied.

Beverly nodded as Thongchai looked up to the clock. Nodding again when he asked what would be best for him. “I think so. You’d sleep much better too, probably.” she smiled up at him.
He led her into the bedroom then, glad to be already in his pajamas. He laid down on the bed, scooting close to the wall and turning on his side so Beverly could lay down next to him, an arm out ready to support her head, though his eyes were already closed, and his breathing was beginning to even out.

She followed him into the bedroom scurrying towards the shared closet grabbing her pajamas before slipping out of her day clothes to change. She preferred going barefoot though, as she had her whole life. As soon as she was dressed with teeth brushed and everything, she slid underneath the covers cuddling up next to Thongchai where his arm had already been waiting for her. “Night, Chai. Sweet dreams.” she said, kissing his lips before curling up with the blankets and Thongchai all around her, she closed her eyes, only hoping tomorrow would end up a whole lot better than tonight had.

“Sweet dreams, Bev.”

☼

Thongchai woke up early, as he normally did. He snuck his way around Beverly, climbing off the bed with as much grace as possible. Once he successfully got off the bed and balanced himself, he looked at Beverly’s sleeping form before letting out a sigh. I was hoping a good night’s sleep would let me feel better... He thought to himself, massaging his throat with one hand. He didn’t need a thermometer to know his temperature had spiked since the night before, too. He shuffled into the kitchen and grabbed some orange juice from the fridge, pouring himself a glass before setting it on the coffee table and plopping himself down on the couch, flipping through channels until he came across a station playing American cartoons.

Beverly rolled over from her stomach to her side once she noticed Thongchai was up. She laid in bed for a bit, letting herself wake up a little more before she started rubbing her eyes with one of her hands while the other was tucked away under the covers still. She let out a short yawn before realizing she was alone in the bed. She looked around the room next, figuring Thongchai was probably already down in the kitchen like usual. “I just hope he’s feeling a lot better than I am right now.” she mumbled to herself, stretching her arms out wide before stepping out of bed to do her daily routine in the bathroom. As she was looking in the mirror then, she just remembered what she was suppose to do today. And since they never kept any tests in their own home, Beverly had to somehow sneak out of the house to go buy one herself. So she quickly got dressed, scooped her curly, tangled hair up into a ponytail, and dashed down into the living room where she spotted Thongchai, sitting in his usual spot in front of the TV. She quickly and quietly grabbed her wallet and keys doing her best not to rattle the keys so much for him to hear, and tiptoed over to the front door just hoping that she wouldn’t be stopped from sneaking out of the house.

She wasn’t, as Thongchai was too busy sniffling his runny nose while curled up on the couch.

When she finally arrived at the nearest drugstore, she walked on in ever so casually, even though on the inside she was freaking out and screaming, only hoping that she in fact was not pregnant. As much as she wanted a child of her own, it just wouldn’t be the same without Thongchai being the father, instead of some random drunken fool she met at a club. She wandered over to the next aisle then, grabbing what she needed as well as some extra cold medicine for Thongchai before heading to the checkout station and then back to her car. Again, she rested her head on the steering wheel letting her thoughts run through her head before she started the car again. What if I am pregnant? she thought. And even worse, what if Chai finds out that I went behind his back? He’ll never trust me again. Beverly shook her head throwing away all those negativity that surrounded her, and started back home, again, hoping that Thongchai hasn’t noticed her strange disappearance just yet.
Beverly pulled into their driveway then, but before she even thought of hopping out of the car just yet, she rested her head on the steering wheel, taking in a few slow breaths and some deep thoughts before getting up the courage to face Thongchai again.
So she did, and she grabbed her bag of goodies as she re-approached the front door, turning the knob and pushing it open slowly. She practically tip-toed in past the living room, spotting Thongchai there, and already knowing that he had already heard her come in, and it was no use for her to sneak past him now. So she casually walked up behind the couch, giving him a small peck on the cheek before handing him the bottle of cold medicine figuring that he was probably running low on the other bottle anyway. “Sorry for running out on you.” she quickly apologized. “I just went to the drugstore figuring you needed some more medicine soon. I had to stop by for a couple of things myself anyway.” she explained, kissing him again.

Thongchai smiled, taking the cold medicine in his hands. “Thank you.” He told her, setting it on the coffee table. Truthfully he hated cold medicine. In fact, he hated medicine, but he couldn’t escape it.

“I’ll just put the rest of the stuff away, be right back.” she said, skipping over to the bathroom, carrying along the pregnancy test in her back pocket she had slipped in earlier.

Thongchai nodded, waiting for the next commercial then, before he headed into the kitchen, checking the bottle for how much he should take. He took the necessary amount, jumping back onto the couch and cuddling under the blanket, waiting for Beverly to join him.

After Beverly got done peeing on the stick, she looked at it, frowning. Still no result yet. Beverly let out a soft groan, heading over to the sink to wash her face off with cold water, just to try to wash off all the guilt and worry she had showing, and even though it didn’t help much, it was still better than nothing. With her face still the same, a blank stare, and a frown, Beverly picked up the pregnancy test again, looking at the result. Her face remained motionless, and emotionless. Tossing away the test unwrapped, Beverly simply walked out of the bathroom as if nothing had happened. Whether she was pregnant or not, nothing would change between her and Thongchai. She knew that. And he knew that. No matter what.

She arrived back in the living room then, hopping on the couch next to her fiance, cuddling up next to him with a blanket. “You take your medicine yet?” she asked him, sounding almost like she were his mother or something, kissing his cheek after she asked him.

Thongchai nodded, “just did.” He replied simply. He covered his mouth from a couple coughs, suddenly pushing Beverly away, grimacing as he had a familiar nauseous feeling.
Seeing her fiance looking paler and worse than usual, Beverly’s face grew more concerned now. Not because of her guilt, but because Thongchai didn’t seem to be getting any better. And she was worried. Leaning back on the couch, Beverly let her eyes gaze over to the television, watching whatever it was he had on first. It wasn’t like she was really watching it anyway. A few minutes had passed by then, and Beverly turned her head to see if he was coming yet. She wanted to walk in after him to see if everything was okay, but couldn’t bring herself to do so.

In the bathroom, Thongchai had made it to the toilet just in time. As he was cleaning himself up, his eyes migrated to the garbage can, where something that definitely shouldn’t have been there was sitting. He leaned further down, glancing at the seemingly foreign object, then searching the cabinets for the box. He looked at the directions on the box, then back to the pregnancy test in the garbage. Silently, he went into the living room, box still in his hands, tears brimming his eyes but refusing to fall, “H-how could you?”

Beverly stared up into his eyes, seeing them filled with tears that refused to fall down his cheeks. “Chai...I...” she started, her jaw instantly dropped. She knew exactly what he was talking about, but it took her a while to figure out how he found out so soon. Then it hit her. Of course. She hadn’t hid the pregnancy test properly! Her eyes beamed out even wider then, sitting up straighter, moving her hand to his to hold onto for reassurance. “Chai...I..I didn’t mean to..I...I mean..” she stuttered out the words, she didn’t know how to explain to him what or even why she had done what she did. The only thing that she managed to spill out clearly though, and with tears quickly forming in her eyes was, “I’m sorry.”

Thongchai furrowed his eyebrows, “Sorry?” He tossed the box to the ground, and made his way back over to the couch. “There’s something...” He began, looking away from her.

With her head tilted down, still holding back the tears, Beverly couldn’t help but slowly look back up to Thongchai as soon as he said he had something to tell her. She was curious now.

“A couple weeks ago... The... the condom broke. I... should’ve told you.” He admitted. He looked up excitedly, “But if you’re having a baby that’s great! It must be fate! It was meant to happen! Besides, doctor’s have a lot of technology now! We can find out before it’s born if it will have HIV...” He bit his lip, realizing he was getting ahead of himself, a tear finally falling, “I just hope you don’t...” His voice faded off as he buried his face, “I’m sorry, I should’ve stopped as soon as it broke...”

Her jaw dropped. He doesn’t know? He...he thinks this baby could be his for sure? This scared Beverly. Because what if it wasn’t? What if it really was some other random guy she met at the club? Beverly still couldn’t believe it. Her jaw was still dropped dead. Although she still managed to speak up, even if it was slowly and softly as a whisper. “It’s fine. I..I mean, I understand that you wanted to continue....but...” she bit her lip, furrowing her own eyebrows next. “Y-you should of told me sooner! I mean, at least I wouldn’t be as freaked out as I am now!” she went off on him. She knew he didn’t deserve it, but there was just that anger inside her that she just had to let out somehow. “I’m sorry for yelling at you like this, but I just feel like you should of told me something like this sooner. Or at least stopped early.” she scolded him, crossing her arms towards him.

Thongchai lowered his head, “I-I know.. I was scared to say anything... I didn’t expect this to happen...” He told her honestly. He looked back up at her, “Beverly... I-I think I’d rather die than give you this... curse.” He told her, “I should’ve stopped. I got selfish.” He scolded himself, sniffling. “I’m so sorry... I messed up.”
Beverly continued to stare at Thongchai mindlessly. She still couldn’t believe what he was saying was true. That the baby inside her, could in fact possibly be his, and not some random drunken idiot. “Chai...” she started to say. God damn it, Bev! You can’t let him know what you did to him behind his back! Just go with what he’s saying, and play along! And as usual, Beverly went with what her head was saying and not her heart. “Chai...Y-you don’t have to apologize. I-I don’t even know what came over me just now. I mean, even if this baby inside me is HIV positive, nothing will change between us. I love you, Chai. And even with this curse, we can and we will work our way around it.” she finally finished, letting out a sigh of relief. Even though there was still bits and pieces of her tearing up from her guilt.

Thongchai shook his head. “I would hate to watch my kid suffer the way I did... I hated that I had to take medicine everyday, even after I understood why.” He explained. He wrapped his arms around himself, leaning against Beverly. “I’m not saying I’d want an HIV child aborted... I just... would hate to see it have to live like that...”

Beverly listened closely to what he had to say. And she couldn’t help but think, that the more he was telling her this, more guilty she felt, and the more she felt the urge to just tell him. No. He doesn’t need to know just yet. I....I can tell him later.....I think. Beverly leaned more on him as well, linking their fingers back together as they both fell silent for a short moment. “I understand what you’re saying Chai. I mean, no, I don’t understand what its like to have HIV, but...you should know that no matter what, even if we did find out ahead of time that the baby was going to have HIV, I still would never abort it. I would love that child and care for it just like I am with you.” she told him, kissing his cheek when she finished. She hooked her arm through one of his then, tilting her head downward towards the floor just so he couldn’t see the guilt hiding in her eyes as she bit down on her lip.

Thongchai looked at her, worried. “I’m sure everything will be fine...” He told her, trying to convince himself as well. He sighed, looking at the television while not quite watching it. “We’ll care for it no matter what.” He assured her.